i'm meghan , & i'm 21 . i have a beautiful daughter , kayleigh , she is 2 , she is my everything , she is the main reason that i am the person i am today , she is my entire life . i have a boyfriend , josh . . . he's pretty much the only person i have left these days , if i didn't have him around , i would actually lose my mind at some point or another . i use xanga mostly for surveys & writing , for now & for the future . i want to be able to look back & see exactly what i was doing & how i was feeling when i am older . i've been through a whole lot of shit , to put it in a blunt form . but to be honest , if i could , i wouldn't take it back , i know people say that not having regrets is a lie , but i honestly don't . i am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason , it has all made me stronger , & smarter in some way . i have ocd , i'm awkward if i don't know you , i can't hold a conversation if you're not already close to me , & i refuse to let myself open up to anyone , or get close to them anymore . it seems like nobody really cares , and has kind of let me go out of their lives , so i've done the same , i'm a huge closed door , that's been locked & dead bolted a million times , & every single key is missing . i've had things happen in the past year that should have made me cry , but a single tear hasn't fallen , i don't usually show emotions anymore , because i'm afraid to . i have a lot of issues with myself , i don't like how i look , i'm really insecure about my face & my body , & i always feel like people are better than me in most ways , although i know i'm a great person on the inside . i love helping people , i have a really big heart , i care about everyone , some things i love are dirt track racing , the movie cars , doing surveys , baking , cleaning , makeup , cuddling , love , holding hands , kisses & hugs , seeing my daughter smile & laugh , taking pictures , playing with my daughter , getting a tattoo . . . it releases , mitsibishi lancer evo's . . . they literally make me absolutely speechless , & also konig rims , lauren conrad , the hills , laguna beach , jersey shore , music , sweet tea , cake & ice cream & lots more things , but that's only naming a few . some things i hate are liars , fakes , needles , spiders , DRUGS . . . every single drug that is . . . even weed , i prefer to be sober , & be my complete self . i just turned 21 , but i would really go to say that i am an extremely responsible , & mature person . i couldn't go without the internet , because i feel like it's the one place i can go , and free my mind , i don't talk to anybody about my life anymore . i want to feel so much feeling & emotion that i can't stop , bad or good , for the simple fact that i feel like i haven't let myself feel in so fucking long . i could keep on for a long time , but i feel as if i'm ranting now . let's leave it at this , i want love like the notebook , like serendipity , as cliche & ridiculous as it sounds , that's exactly what i want . that level where you connect with them so much that you're like one person , you're best friends , you're a team , you can feel how they feel , & other people who see you can feel that love & are jealous of it , where you two don't give a shit about anyone else , it's just you two , always & forever , even when you're old , even when you look like shit , you both still think the other looks so amazing , ya know when you can stare at eachother , & just know why , ya just GET eachother . . . . . . yeah .

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